My eldest daughter has turned the corner into her classroom, without her boots for recess. She has put on her game face, subdued her dragon (for the time being). She is under control. Now.
Five minutes ago these roles were reversed. My four year old was happily buckling her own seatbelt of her car seat. Inside the house, my almost nine year old sat sullenly by the fire refusing to walk out the door. In her words, I was "punishing her" by making her go to school. And further punishing her by offering to take the middle sister to school first, (so she wouldn't be late), and then coming back for the big dragon, (who would then be late).
Control seems to have been the word of the morning. Who is in control, who is not in control, how to control tempers, control your body, control your cover flinging, Monday hating, screaming tantrum. I did not lose control. Who really was in control, then or now, is still to be decided.
We try to let our children have some control over their lives, such as what to wear to school, which cereal they will have for breakfast, or how to wear their hair for the day. This child led control does not, on the other hand, include the option to not go to school, not wear a winter coat, scream at mommy, or not put on appropriate footwear.
I find myself wondering, just about every morning, if I am the only mother who goes through these struggles. Is it the age? Not enough rest or good food? Are they over scheduled? Maybe I should wake them earlier, or later, or not at all.
Interestingly, we also seem to have at least one angelic child every morning, among our dragons. This morning my middle daughter did everything asked of her with a jolly smile and sweet disposition. She even had an extra bowl of cereal and helped pack the lunches. Her compliance makes me even more confused as to how to survive my morning crocodile wrestling.
I know that somewhere inside the dragons and crocodiles of the morning is the sweet cooperative child in each of my girls. But I am really not sure how to get them to come out. Do I relinquish more control to my girls, or do I need to be more controlling, more strict? For now, I will keep suppressing the smiles, keep walking, and keep wrestling with my dragons.